i see no magic left in this world.
no sparkle.
everything has an answer. there's no unsolvable equations and no impossible pursuits.
there's only rocks and body fluids and hard work -mostly hard work.
at first glance, some things seem magical.
for example: birth; god; the internet.
but those things are offset by the weight of their presence.
birth and babies give way to mappable growth and predictability. even in the womb.
god just exists to make you feel better about things you can't explain or control.
the internet is the might of computers, flexing in full force and revolutionizing life. but they still have an off switch.
even human behaviour is fairly cut and dry.
most of this sounds vain and conceited, but there's not much i can't wrap my head around.
granted there are many things i've never seen and many more i will never fully understand the details of. though travel and research is well within my reach.
i frequently wonder what i'm supposed to do with this state... this lack of mystery. was it b.b. king who sang 'the thrill is gone'?
all questions i ask myself point back to the notion that life is to be enjoyed, that the purpose of life is to be happy.
but even hedonism gets boring.
this is me wondering what to do with my life.
i am gainfully employed with a challenging job, have a pretty much perfect girlfriend, have hobbies i'm passionate about and an awesome community to share those hobbies with.
mainstream means of entertainment are useless to me. popular radio, tv and movies, shopping, sports, having kids, week-long resort vacations, christmas and any other holiday for that matter...
i can't relate to 99% of people and dont want to hear stories about their coworkers.
learning is fun, but is life to be an endless cycle of learning more and more until death?
learning and figuring out how to run a record label is interesting and passionate work, but even that will go on auto-pilot eventually.
i can travel for so long and see so many lifestyles. but then what?
this is a beast becoming self-aware. this is me trying to steer my life in the direction i want it, but not really seeing any specific direction that i'll be able to travel in forever.
i think this is a state of mind which is going to grow and plague more and more people as technology progresses and standards of living increase to a point where everyone can actually have what they want.
when people no longer need to spend resources on fighting wars, no longer feel so threatened that they need god, and no longer have to struggle to meet basic needs... they will still find purpose in having kids and i still wont be able to relate. :)